Ashe Elton Parker

A Writer of LGBTQ+ Characters in Speculative Fiction

Tag: Writing Goals

Still Some Depression

So I decided that this week would be the one where I got back on the goals horse. It wasn’t as successful as I’d hoped it would be, but I think I’m still dealing with some depression. Regardless, the week started off fairly strong, which pleased me. Then I had a rough night of sleep Wednesday night, and that threw everything off. I didn’t get much done Thursday, and got even less done Friday as I spent a good portion of the day trying to catch up on the sleep I’d missed both Wednesday and Thursday. Much of the month has been like this, which is part of the reason why I haven’t been posting even my Fool’s Errand updates on Saturday.

I think, however, I’ve finally settled on my next project. Little as I want to do a story I won’t be able to post on Wattpad, I’m going to work on MOTS1. The Masters of the Schism series is one that I’ve wanted to make progress on for a long time. It’s a for-fun series that’s close to my heart. I figured out what I wanted to do with book 1 last year and have been trying to figure out how to handle the rewrite as I wrote past book 1’s natural ending and need to fill in more detail. For the past couple weeks or so, I’ve been reading through the scenes I’m keeping, and writing up notes in Scapple for the future outline. It’s been fun.

My original plan was to increase my wordcount goal from 250 a day to 500 with the new project, but I’m now undecided on that. There are some benefits to increasing the wordcount, but I don’t know if it would be wise to increase the count yet, especially since I’m dealing with depression. Not that I’d beat myself up about not writing or not getting the goal, just that until I’m sure I’m out of the depressive fog, it may be wisest not to do too much for my writing goal. That’s something I’ve got to think some more about, but I’ve got some time.

Writing Plans and Goals

Aside from telling y’all that things are going well on the writing front, I’m not going to go into detail about the week. Instead, I’m going to list my writing goals, as I promised I would today.

Overall, I’m pleased with my progress since October, and I intend to continue on what I started. So—

Presently I’m writing a minimum goal of 250 words 5 days a week on Unwritten Letters. My first goal is to continue with this process. With every writing session, I get closer to finishing UL, and I’m looking forward to being done with it. I’m not sure how much longer this will take, mostly because I can’t predict how long each of the last few scenes will be until I’ve written them, though I think it’s safe to say I’ll be at this through January at least.

My original intent was to raise my wordcount goal to 500 words 5 days a week with the new year. Ultimately, I decided against that, mainly because I feel like UL is progressing too well at the 250 word level. I often write more than that, and I’m enjoying beating my wordcount goal so regularly. So, even though I often want to continue writing, I stop at some point beyond 250, but usually below 500 words. Wherever it feels natural to do so, or when I can’t figure out how to continue the scene without looking at the plot card again.

As for my goals, here they are:

  • Finish Unwritten Letters at 250 words a day 5 days a week.
  • Spend at least a month’s worth of time reading through incomplete WIPS to determine if I’d like to work on one of them. This is my primary focus. I need to get some more incomplete stories out of the way.
  • Try to make more progress on ideas that I’ve been doing background work on to see if I’ll maybe work on one of them instead, though they are not my primary focus.
  • Do the prep work, background work, and/or reverse outlining that may be needed for making progress on whatever incomplete WIP I choose.
  • Write 500 words 5 days a week on the project I choose.

That’s it for this week!

Writing Goals 2014

This is a bit belated, but I’ve only recently gotten myself organized enough to determine what I want to write this year. It isn’t a complicated writing goal, just a heavy one. The following are the writing projects I want to have done by 31 December 2014:

Discordant Harmonies Ennealogy

The Power of Music III: Measure of Resistance – Currently working on outline, adding one plot card per scene written.

A Life of Note I: Counterpoints – Write outline and book.

A Life of Note II: Antiphons – Get outline written.

Touched by Kalia Duology (At this point, it’s only a duology. Waiting to see how long that actually lasts.)

Book I: Unwritten Letters – Currently working on outline; trying to get two plot cards a day.

At least title book 2.

Sense of Balance Trilogy

Book I: Exemplar – Do research necessary on it and at least finish outline.

Autocrat’s Rise Trilogy

Back from the Dead – Keep up with this project’s Two-Year Novel course exercises and finish book before end of year, perhaps write at least part of it during Nano.

Right now, I’m in a severe writing downswing. Severity in the length of time it’s been around, not depth of down it is. I’m still actually able to work on various other aspects of my writing and have had a few odd days of writing and plot card progress, but not much. Those days are sporadic at best, so I’m not counting on them. I think it’s Real Life stress getting to me, which I probably shouldn’t be surprised about, considering. I’m actually surprised this hasn’t happened sooner. This downswing began on about 15 January this year, and it’s lasted over a month so far. It probably won’t go away for at least a few days yet (much as I hope otherwise).

My Indie Publishing Career

It has long been my intent to go to college to gain skills for a good-paying job. Some few years ago (’09-’10 or thereabouts), I determined to go to community college for an Associate’s Degree in Accounting. That plan fell through one day because I couldn’t convince my mother, who’d driven me to the community college’s main campus to finish my applications process, to park where the parking lot attendant told her to. Upon hearing we couldn’t park in the cordoned-off area where students, staff, and faculty were permitted to park (provided they had the appropriate sticker or tag or whatever), Mom turned the car around the watch post with the declaration, “I’m not walking all that way to get to the building, and it’s too hot to sit in the car!”

Then again, Mom was never exactly supportive of my goal.

I let that setback beat me back down to the point of not bothering, and it was compounded a couple days later when I went to the financial aid site anyway to apply . . . and had an anxiety attack. Not a severe one, but I could not for the life of me get past the first few boxes I had to fill in with my name and other pertinent information required. It did not abate until I closed the site and went to read to get my mind off the stress of preparing for school, which I’d previously determined I’d find a way to get into no matter what it cost.

It remained in the back of my mind, though. Over the intervening years since my failed attempt, I researched careers, doing a better job this time, and finally settled on Medical Coding and Billing as the career I’d enter. I found the community college’s page with the listing of the class requirements on it and bookmarked it to revisit every so often to inure myself to the idea of going to school. I set a goal: I’d start school in Fall Semester of 2013.

Then I was diagnosed with cancer in August of last year, and all the appointments required for everything from examinations to surgeries to consults for chemo treatment took up that time I needed to apply, prepare, and attend classes. So I set back my college goal to Fall Semester of 2014. I would go to college in 2014, no matter what.

This entire time, I had the plan to Indie Publish my writing. I had that “all” set up in my mind. I’d finish a set number of books, then release them as soon as I had a paying job with my new Medical Coding and Billing skill. This thinking, I have to admit, was carried over from my old, abandoned, Trad Pub goal days. That goal was born in the Nineties. I’d have/get a full time job, write in my off-time, and send my finished product on the rounds of agents. And become Published.

I should say, these were the days when I was much more mentally stable without medications than I am now. I could have handled the Trad Publishing route then. My Bipolar, which I’m certain I presented to some extent in the Nineties (and probably even before, possibly as young as my teens), was not severe. I could sleep nights without assistance from even over-the-counter sleep aids. I was able to hold down a full-time job, and I appreciated all the “free” time my manufacturing positions gave my mind to play with story scenes and ideas, because I’d spend second shift working preplanning one or more scenes in my head, running them through over and over again until they were very nearly edited to perfection in my mind, then go home to spend the hours between midnight and three in the morning actually typing them out on Kitchen Imp, the computer Mom bought, which we put on a desk in the kitchen. A Trad Pub career for me at that time, if I’d been able to launch myself into it, may well have been successful. I was driven, and I was dedicated, and I intended to set the world on fire with my fantasy stories.

And I clung to that dream. Desperately. Get off of Government support. Get an education. Get a good-paying job. Then launch my publishing career. I had other goals wrapped up in this. Namely transitioning as far as possible and buying my own home. And those are still my goals. However, they’ve never been as powerful as my goal to become Published. And, even when I switched my goal to becoming Indie Published, the strength of my desire to be Published never flagged.

But I had an epiphany last week. At some point. I’m not sure what day any more. Probably at some point during the all-nighter I pulled in an attempt to reset my circadian rhythm. Such epiphanies as this generally hit me when I’m exhausted. Being overtired frees my mind, and I make progress on writing if I’m lucky, or have epiphanies about other things to do with my writing or, sometimes, as this one was, regarding my Real Life.

It occurred to me I could launch my Indie Publishing Career any time I want. I could launch it tomorrow, though I’d be woefully unprepared, and my books wouldn’t have covers, and half a hundred other things which need doing and need time to be done, not the least of which is completing radiation treatments. But I could launch my Indie Publishing Career tomorrow if I wanted.

It took several days for this flash of realization to really sink in, though, and I spent those days totally amazed at it, stunned, unable to believe the audacity of the thought. Any time I want. It, frankly, terrified me at first, this thought. As much as going to school terrified me. And I had to let that terror fade before I could even consider the option without freezing and experiencing a deeper anxiety than trying to fill out the financial aid form years ago gave me.

Once it faded sufficiently—a few days ago—I drew J.A. Marlow, the resident Indie Publishing Expert at Forward Motion for Writers into an Instant Messaging chat to discuss what I needed to do to begin the process of establishing my Indie Publishing Career from my current financial status. She had much good advice, and it got me thinking about things I need to start thinking about now if I’m going to make my Indie Publishing Career fly.

No, I’m not scrapping my college goals. They’re being set aside for the nonce, but not forgotten. First things I need to do are talk with Social Security about my SSDI and the VA about my Pension to determine what’s going to happen with my income. This is of prime importance. I need to know what to expect so I can plan for losing at least a part of this income once I start earning any money from sales of books, even if it’s only one or two sales a month. I can’t do this until after my radiation treatments are done, because it’s going to take at least half a day for five days a week anywhere from three to six and a half weeks to get this done—I won’t know until my contract to join the research study is signed and processed and the arm of the study I’m to go in has been randomly selected. Once I’m done radiation treatments, I’ll have the time I need to visit with representatives of Social Security and the VA to discuss this with them.

So, for the next several weeks, I’m going to create a list of questions to ask. I’m going to formulate a tentative Indie Publishing Career Plan, which I will set into motion before I’m certain of anything, because my goal to Indie Publish will remain no matter what, and no date is carved in stone at this point.

I will say this, however: My instinct is to scrap the school-and-paying-job goal and run with the Indie Publishing Career goal. I feel more strongly about this than about any other goal I’ve ever set or claimed to have. Even transitioning. Yes, I want to transition. I’d also very much like to buy my own place to live. But I don’t want either of those things with the same burning fire in the pit of my belly as I want my Indie Publishing Career. As terrifying (and, yes, I’m still deeply terrified of my Indie Publishing Career goal), as it is to think I may be able to get my Indie Publishing Career off the ground from where I’m at right now, it’s also exciting to think about. I feel more anticipation about this than about any other personal goal I’ve ever had. I want to go out and get it done right this minute and have felt this way, in some small way, from the moment I realized I could have my Indie Publishing Career any time I want.

It’s a big risk, an even greater challenge, but I feel better over this possibility than I’ve ever felt over my school-and-paying-job goal. That never excited me; I felt more dread over it, and trapped, and quailed at the thought of forcing myself to endure an uninspiring job. Starting my Indie Publishing Career absolutely thrills me, and the thought I could live my dream of sharing my words with people within two or three years instead of four or six fills me with such joy I don’t think I’ll ever forget the feeling.

But I’m not going to leap without looking, and I’m not going to do it without knowing what I can expect when I start publishing. I have plenty of time to research things and make a well-thought-out decision about this. It’s just that I feel far, far more certain about my Indie Publishing Career goal than I ever did about my school-and-a-paying-job goal.

Writing Insanity

There are times I think I’m more insane than being bipolar makes me. Like right now.

I have, at this moment, a total of five writing projects pulling me in various directions.

Five.

Main project I’m working on is Unwritten Letters. This is the one where I want active wordage on as close to daily as I can make it. Missed yesterday due to a variety of reasons, not the least of which was because I hadn’t been to bed the night before, but have written every previous day since Sunday and will get another scene on it today. I’m outlining two plot cards per one scene written on this project, as is my usual habit with writing now.

I’ve “set aside” Casi/Vel, whose title is now Sense of Balance and looks like it’ll be a trilogy, possibly with both characters’ points of view. I’m debating POV while I consider what I need to research to make this project roll. Usually I balk at heavy research; what I can’t take care of on an “as needed” basis usually scares me off of a project, but I’ve known for a long time that all I needed was to conceive a project whose characters grabbed me by the creative-mind’s throat and held on. SoB is that project. So, as soon as the snow starts melting and I’m done with cancer treatments (which may happen at about the same time depending on what radiation research study arm I end up in), I’ll be heading up to the public library to start my research. Can’t go ’cause of snow and ice on sidewalks right now, and taking the bus is a waste of money when I can walk there (and need the transit money for trips to cancer treatments and other appointments). So this story is “set aside” but very much on my mind, and I intend to make a list of plot points over the duration I’ll be waiting until I can start the research.

Third project is going to go a bit slower. This is the first book of Autocrat’s Rise. I’m writing this according to to the steps in the Two Year Novel Course written by Lazette Gifford. She’s teaching it now on Forward Motion For Writers, and since I have to basically build Ghulia from the ground up, I decided to join the class. This will be a slow process: one class a week, so I should be able to keep up with it (provided I don’t have any more major unplanned events like last year, which caused me to drop out of it). I’m not too worried about moving fast on this project, so using the 2YN course should do me fine by it.

I’ve picked up on TPOM3 again, too. Been getting about two plot cards a day on it, and that’s been my goal for five days this week. I need to organize the cards I have, so I know what all I need to get done. For this, I’ll probably finish the outline before I pick up on active wordage for it, then I’ll have to go through and add in all the (few) unwritten scenes in the first two books before I can call the whole trilogy complete. Then I’ll have to go through and correct age/time/date references since I finally completed the Calendar and age conversion tables (which I may write more on later). Once I get done with this, I’ll start work on A Life of Note, which follows the same MCs into different situations.

For my final project, I’ll be spending the next week or so going through Stirrings. I spent all day yesterday reading it to get an idea what I need to do to fix it, and Jennifer Amriss read through it for me and told me what I needed to know in order to do a full edit run on it (verdict was I didn’t make any character completely unlikeable and I don’t need to do too much work to emphasize certain plot points). Basically, the major issue is correcting all the age/time/date references and picking out typos and other minor things like making sure everything makes sense (came across a sentence earlier which I needed to correct). This shouldn’t take much time, though, so I should be officially DONE with it within a few weeks at most.

And these are all in addition to things like reworking the Timeline for the stories/world and Real Life Things and finding time to read and work on other crafts (namely, crocheting). I want to get UL and TPOM done before this fall, when I plan on going to college. I’d like to have ALON and AR outlined by November and be at least starting on the outline for the first book of SoB by then, too. I’m trying to learn to treat my writing professionally now, so when I’m able to start publishing, I have a backlog of outlines and story ideas to do background work on as well as write.

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