Ashe Elton Parker

A Writer of LGBTQ+ Characters in Speculative Fiction

Tag: Mom (page 1 of 2)

A Good Day with Friends

I didn’t do much today. Just went to the library for a crochet session with my friend Katie. After that, hung out at home for a bit, then Daz came up to make us some food and play card games and show me YouTube stuff. Also called Mom and my friend Anita. That was pretty much it.

The Last Two Days of July

The last two days of July were pretty good.

On Monday, Mom came over briefly to drop some things off for me. After that, I was finally able to get together with Daz to discuss my Pathfinder character. Over the course of the afternoon, he also gave me access to his Netflix and Hulu accounts, which was nice of him. Trying to figure out what I’ll watch first. LOL

After that, he invited me to go with him to some friends’ for a game night, and I went. We arrived around 20:00, I think, and ended up spending the next 4 or so hours playing Cards Against Humanity, which was great fun. Afterward, we played Betrayal at House on the Hill.

When we finished, one of the hosts drove us home since transit wasn’t running. Daz and I hung out for a few more hours after getting home. He came up with some food, used some of my food, and made us a yummy supper. At around 07:00, he went to bed, and I stayed up ’cause I don’t sleep well if I get to sleep after dawn, and it turns me into a temperamental bitch. Really, though, I’m glad I’ve got the irritable version of hypomania. I’ve heard how a lot of the “I can do ANYTHING” mania causes people to stop taking their meds, and I don’t want to do that.

I did some work on my Pathfinder character’s backstory, filling in a good deal more detail on the way. Went to my volunteer shift, too. Daz invited me to game with another friend of his because his role gaming group canceled due to a member or two not being able to make it, which was nice, but I had to decline.

Got home at about 21:30 and went right to bed after feeding my cat.

Didn’t Mean to Miss Posting

I thought so hard about posting to the site last night that it was quite a surprise when I got online today to discover I hadn’t actually done so. I’m chalking it up to exhaustion. Tuesday was an exhaustion day because i ended up with digestive issues from eating too much fibrous food the previous day. Just about the time I was getting ready for bed, the “fun” started and it kept me up all night.

But Tuesday was productive. I wrote I think four scenes total on a WIP and had a visit with Mom. Also finished up the cleaning of my marks from my Feline Ferocity Commander MTG deck. Called someone in the building about a mattress and box springs they wanted to sell and left a message on his voicemail. Was in bed by 22:00 too.

Gaming & Stuff!

Dice!

Chessex 6-sided Dice

The & Stuff started with grocery shopping at 08:00 this morning. Went an hour earlier because of the crutches. My friend Ross drove me to the store and home, and pushed the cart for me. All the while heckling me. LOL He’s fun to be around. He also mentioned Temple Squares will be starting square dancing in I think September. After the trip to the grocery, he brought my food upstairs, then stayed for about 20 minutes petting Hendrix, who, for once, did not nip at him. I think he liked the attention. LOL

After that, I called Mom and did some housework, then headed out to Oasis to play D&D. Honestly, I didn’t feel like it. I felt like I’d walked all over the grocery about 3 times, and just wanted to veg at home. But I went. Would have had to go anyway, and I knew that if I went to game, I’d feel more like gaming once I got started. We had a good session. Finished off the encounter we were in last time we had to stop and traveled a bit.

While we gamed, I told Phil that the games store was expecting to have a very busy weekend, and we tentatively agreed to cancel game next week because of it. After tame, while I was waiting in the front of Oasis to meet someone who wanted to buy my Nook Glowlight, I contacted Trish and Greg about the cancellation and Phil’s suggestion that we play 2 sessions of D&D next month to make up for the days we’d missed this month. I agreed with him, that 2 sessions doesn’t feel like enough. Before the Nook Meeting happened, we’d all agreed to play D&D 2 Saturdays next month.

That left me about another hour or so of wait time, but I was able to nail down some more plans for my campaign. When the person who was buying my Nook arrived, we made the exchange quickly, and I was suddenly $50 richer. I set aside some of it for room rental next month, then purchased a couple items I’ve wanted to get: 6-sided dice for MTG and some precise-fit sleeves for my MTG cards. I got only one package because I wasn’t sure if they were end-loading.

Came home, had another chat with Mom, discovered the sleeves were indeed end-loading, and marked my dice. Also typed up 1-1/2 adventures from Lynn’s games while chatting with Kit on MeWe.

Forgot to Post Yesterday

How-To-Gimp Book

My friend JA Marlow got me the GIMP books.

Well, Wall O’ Tired hit suddenly last night, and totally obliterated my thoughts of posting before bed. It was a good day, though. Got in touch with my friend Anita and made tentative plans to get together with her this week.

Also cracked open one of the GIMP books, and discovered that it didn’t mesh with my version of GIMP. I’ve hunted down the version of GIMP the book seems to go to, but I’m not sure just which link in the list to follow to download, so I’m waiting for Jam to get a day off to ask for her help. I figure if I learn 2.8, I’ll be able to move to 2.10 without a lot of problem. I’d just go with the book and shrug the differences off—they’re minor, really—except coming across the differences hit my anxiety and I’m not sure I can just tough it out. But I think if I get 2.8 I’ll be able to learn it with ease. The book I’m using, GIMP for Absolute Beginners by Jan Smith and Róman Joost, is very easy to follow and literally took me through even the earliest steps possible: Downloading the GIMP program itself. So yeah, I think that’s the one to go with.

I chatted with my mom a bit too. She wants to come over on Tuesday, so we set those plans down.

And it looks like I’ll be gaming with Kit’s group this Friday. At least, everyone agrees 3pm is a good time for us to meet. Not sure about gaming on Saturday with MLTGF, though, as Oasis is having 3 major events that weekend and all the rooms are booked and it’ll be very busy otherwise. We’d all have to arrive right at 10:00 to get any tables.

Not Much Today

I didn’t do much today. Just wrote a scene on a wip and had a chat with my mom on the phone. Tomorrow: Gaming.

Had a Headache

I had an awful sick headache most of the day, so I laid down a good portion of it. I did get a bit of writing in though. Also a call to Mom and a chat with my friend Anita. It was a good day.

A Day Full of Writing

I slept not a wink last night, so got up. Ended up spending most of the day writing on a new project. Wrote 10,743 words in all today. Also read a book. And saw my mom. Now I’m going to go tip myself into bed.

A Good Day

Red Dice

D&D Dice!

Sunday had something of a rough start, but not due to depression. I just went to bed later than I should have Saturday night and had to get up early. Still, I slept fairly well.

First thing I did today was go grocery shopping. My friend Ross took me. I probably didn’t get all the food I need, though, because I didn’t use a grocery list. Also, I tend to cycle through cravings and I think I’m between two different menus dictated by those cravings.
Since I didn’t yet know where we were gaming Monday—Kit hadn’t called or texted about how his conversation with Katie went—I got our sodas. They’ll get drunk regardless of where we game.

I didn’t even bother putting all my groceries away when I got home. Because I hadn’t wanted any of the food I did have for breakfast, I needed to eat, then I had to head out to Oasis Games for the day’s D&D session with Lynn. When I got there, I sat out front because I forgot Lynn rented one of the store’s 2 private rooms for gaming. Kit and Cayden joined me shortly thereafter, then Lynn arrived with Phil and Dan. Duly reminded of where we were gaming, I joined everybody else in the private room, and a new player joined us. Michael was supposed to come last week, but something came up where he wasn’t able to make it. I didn’t find the session as fun as I usually do, mostly, I think, because I was still feeling a little tired.

When I got home after gaming, I pretty much went right to bed for a nap. I was pretty pooped and was down for about 2 hours, and rose feeling refreshed. Came out to the living room to work on my writing, but it was a no-go for a number of reasons: 1) I’d pretty much beaten dead my creative mind over the past few days with writing a lot; 2) I was struggling to read my wips, which I need to be able to do so I can figure out what previous scenes to spring new scenes off of; 3) and I was mentally comparing my writing to that book I described back in the 15th’s post.

Chatted with Mom on the phone, for about half an hour. It was a good chat. Also contacted Kit about painting minis, which we set up for Wednesday. Left a message for Greg about gaming. Emailed Phil about something he mentioned for our gaming sessions on Saturdays for the future.

It was a good day, overall, but now it’s after midnight and I’m still not tired ’cause of that nap! LOL

Making Sense of the Insensible

On Wednesday of last week, I became a little philosophical after quite a number of hours awake (30+). As one afflicted with bipolar disorder, this sometimes happens, though not always with the philosophical turn.

But something had been on my mind since that morning. Once again, my mom had affirmed her belief that “what goes around comes around” and I was struck—again—by how simplistic a view of life this is.

Now I’ve heard about Karma, but “what goes around comes around” seems to be a simplistic view of even that. From my (admittedly limited) understanding, I’ve never gotten the impression that Karma will unfailingly swing around and bite the offender in the butt in this life. My impression of Karma is that, yes, sometimes it takes a direct approach and hits the offender in this life, but that it’s more likely to mean that the offender, in the afterlife or next life will suffer for the offenses they gave in this life, as a way for them to learn the lesson they failed to learn before. I could be wrong, but this is the impression I’ve had of what Karma is for a long time. Since my teen years at least.

When my mom says “I’m a firm believer in what goes around comes around,” she always means, without fail, that she expects that the offender will experience some sort of bad luck or unhappy event in this life. Their comeuppance is on the way. She may not know when, but she’s absolutely certain it will happen.

And that, to me, is a very simplistic view of life.

The fact is, life is not that simple. Life is by its very nature uncertain. It’s insensible—sense cannot be made from it. Not any real, true, firm and unalterable sense. Sure, we can make sense of some things, but these are all little things, minor things—like, I can make sense of my mom from my own understanding of myself and the choices I’ve made that have brought me to a point where I can see into her a lot more clearly than I think she realizes. But even that doesn’t give me the ability to understand everything about life. I can make some sense of it all, but not complete sense.

And that’s because the world is complicated and uncertain. And I accept that life has those qualities. All I can do is my best to understand what I can. But for people like my mom, those complications and uncertainties are frightening. So she, and they, seek a simple way to understand it.

We all want to understand life. But I’ve realized something about this search for understanding of life. There are two basic ways to “understand” life. One can take either a simplistic view, such as “what goes around comes around,” or one can set out to really work on gaining a deeper understanding of oneself, the world, and life. This requires a number of things, chiefly the willingness to be mindful of oneself.

Now, it’s no secret I write. And I freely admit my writing is, at its core, little more than me seeking understanding of life. I’m trying to make sense of the insensible with my writing. But! It is far more complex than tacking on a simplistic “what goes around comes around” view of life and being satisfied with that. I could never be satisfied with such a simplistic view of life. Life is far more complicated and uncertain than that. Life doesn’t tie things up that neatly, not even when it seems to be offering a neatly-wrapped package tied up with a pretty ribbon.

Life is messy. Life is insensible. No one can make complete and total sense out of life, because it is always uncertain. There are any number of philosophies we can adopt or adhere to in order to try and make sense of life, but the fact is, those philosophies are only the beginning. Clinging to them as the end-all and be-all of Understanding is a dead-end. Yes, it can be comforting to adopt the focused view of life religion and philosophy seem to offer, but if that’s only as far as it goes, it’s not doing much good.

I realized one major difference between myself and my mom on Wednesday. My life philosophy changes day by day. Sometimes only a little, sometimes a great deal. But it’s always in flux. Mom’s life philosophy is, to me, frighteningly static. And, I think it has been most of my life. Where she clings to the mere beginnings of comprehension, I have made efforts, in part because of my mental illness, and in part because I simply want to do so, to push myself away from those beginnings. I started doing this back in 1988, when I wrote my first Star Trek “novel” in a series of pocket folders with prongs, on college ruled notebook paper. Back then, I didn’t realize just what sort of inner journey I was embarking upon; all I knew was that it felt good to write, and I enjoyed it immensely, and it gave me a better escape from the difficulties of my life than even reading had up to that point offered. But it taught me to really look at people, to gain a deeper understanding of their motivations. Through my writing, I’ve gained a far deeper, more complete and complex, and much more nuanced understanding of life than I think my mom has ever had.

And even with that, I still can’t make sense of it. But that’s okay. I don’t need life to make sense in order to be comfortable with it. All I need to do is keep doing my best to learn, and I don’t intend to ever stop doing that.

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