Sorry there haven’t been any posts for the past few weeks. Two of the past few weeks, I just didn’t care about the site at all. Bipolar getting in the way again. The other week (the one between), I was down with a pretty severe cold. I wrote during the cold, and I don’t know how, and the fiction’s strong, but I couldn’t think of any decent topics for my blog during any of those weeks. Well, at least not something that would have ended up being maudlin or gripey. And I mean gripey. If I’m going to gripe about something, I prefer it to have a point. None of these gripey posts would have had a point besides bemoaning the fact of my depression and physical illness.
Over the past several weeks since my Decisions About the Site post, I’ve been debating one major change. Major for me, that is. A time or two, I’ve mentioned in passing that I also write gay romances under another pen name. I created a pen name for my romance writing years ago, with some help. It was much more along the lines of “If I ever go back into writing romances, I’ll use this as my pen name for them” and nothing so organized as me sitting down and brainstroming pen names. I took my name from Spanish classes through high school, with my last name’s initial, and the random surname a Central American exchange student in one of my other classes wrote after it and voila! I had my romance story pen name, which, when I started writing gay romances (the name was originally intended as the nom de plume of het romances) I promptly attached to those stories.
So there you have it. I write PG-13 fantasy and science fantasy, and explicit gay romance. I do not go into graphic detail of sex scenes in my fantasy and science fantasy, and most of my gay romances cannot in any way be termed “sweet” (a designation in het romances which indicates there’s maybe kissing, and, if that much, it’s simple and sweet). I’ve even written quite a few squick factor stories, even though I have lines there I will not cross at all.
Which I think makes it understandable why I’ve wanted keep these genres separated in every way possible.
This, however, has gotten much more difficult since my Creative Mind has decided to pretty swiftly and smoothly swing between the PG-13 stuff and the gay romances. I cannot predict, from one day to the next, what I’ll be working on in any given creative period. This makes it difficult to keep up with a separate site for my gay romances, which I created when in the midst of writing them exclusively and have not been able to keep up with since the fantasy stuff swung back in. Oh, I can return to that site for an occasional post and some site-updating and whatnot, but for the most part that site is ignored.
Now, my history with the gay romances is not all sunshine and roses. I started writing the contemporary gay romances early in 2009, and wrote them pretty much exclusively through 2012. But 2012 was Writing Hell Year for me. I did not want to be writing gay romances exclusively any more, and those were the only ideas I’d consistently gotten for the three years leading up to 2012. This meant that by 2012, I was pretty much spiritually debilitated by the genre I was writing. I spent most of 2012 in a writing downswing because I did not want to be writing the gay romances and could not get any fantasy ideas. There was a bit of a bright spot in August or September, when I wrote a fantasy short, but besides that, I was in despair of ever writing fantasy again. So, at the end of November, when I managed to scrape up just over 50k words of a gay romance for Nano, I shelved all my writing. I simply could not write any more if all that I was going to be able to write was gay romances.
And, by this time, I knew that gay romances could be rather lucrative if I published them. I had no interest in doing so. I hated writing that genre by the end of 2012, and wanted nothing more to do with it at all. Feh.
So I shelved my writing. I existed for about two weeks in a kind of relieved haze. Then, suddenly, in the middle of December, I conceived the initial notion for TPOM1. I saw a blond youth standing in front of his bedridden ailing father, being told he was being sent to the Priests because he hadn’t decided on a career to pursue and his parents were fed up with his indecisiveness and his father wanted to atone for not following any of the gods. That was Géta there, and I was so happy to have a fantasy idea that looked like not just one novel, but a whole bloody trilogy, I leapt back into writing without hesitation.
For most of 2013, I focused on fantasy and science fantasy. Whenever gay romances reared up, I tried to fight them off, but ended up writing on them just to get them to shut up, then promptly swung back into the fantasy stuff. 2013 and 2014, I wanted nothing to do with the gay romances. I detested them. So much so that I couldn’t bear to look at those I’d already written and left abandoned unless absolutely forced to by my Creative Mind. 2015 was a little better, but I spent a fair amount of it in mostly non-creative writing downswings. I think now, that’s because I was resisting my Creative Mind on the gay romances.
This year, it’s been easier. I’m not fighting the gay romances. I’ve gained confidence that my mind won’t focus on them exclusively. I’ve seen a “pattern” develop. No, it’s not regular; my bipolar won’t let it be. But I’ve noticed how I’ll spend some days writing gay romances, and more time with the fantasy stuff.
But that means the blog I created for the gay romances gets neglected. I’ve also got a Twitter account under my gay romance pseudonym.
I think I’ve finally come to terms with the gay romances. I’m able to read them. I can write on them without feeling like I’m tearing myself in half. I’ve reached a point where I’m just as happy to get a gay romance idea as I’ve always been to get a fantasy idea.
So now I’m deciding what I should do with my neglected gay romance blog. I’m not sure merging it with this site would be a good idea, bu it’s impossible to keep such things secret and separate forever. People will find out eventually, especially if I am ever able to publish any of my writing from both genres.
So I am seriously considering merging the two together. I want to decide this before I do any major overhaul of this site, so that I can plan what I’ll do for the gay romance side of my writing. Keep the blogs separate, but link the two? Bring the gay romance stuff over to this blog and wipe out the old gay romance blog completely? If I merge them on this site, do I demote both pen names to sections on the site while using a different name for the overall site?